The Church of 'Me'

Disclaimer: I do not write these posts to intentionally offend, attack, or hurt anyone else. I am writing it simply to express my thoughts and feelings on each particular subject. I will do my best to make sure my opinions are Biblically based and if you are offended or feel attacked, please know that was not my intention here. Instead of becoming angry, I challenge you to dive into the Bible and do your own research. Either way, God's truth will reveal itself. I can only hope my words will help someone take a few steps closer to Him.

 There is a phenomenon in the church today that I've seen and have been really troubled by.  It's something that even I have taken part in and I am deeply ashamed because of this.  Once I recognized it, it's so much easier to see when it happens again.  At the time I first began writing this post, I was in the middle of two books.  Ok, I know what you're thinking, “WHAT?! Josh is in the middle of reading not just a book, but TWO books?!”

Well it's true. One of the books is called Crazy Love by Francis Chan and the other is Radical by David Platt.  What these books started to help me comprehend are things within the church (mostly the American Church, but the church in general) that I have been bothered by but didn't know how to put into words until now.  Before I really get into what those things are, I highly suggest that you pick up these books and read them.  Buy them, borrow them, just read them.  They aren't scripture (though they do contain a good amount), they aren't details on how to achieve riches or fame, but they ARE challenging and they really put into perspective who God is and who we are.

 So here we go.

The Church of 'Me'.  What do I mean by this?  Think about it.  I believe that somewhere along the line, calling one's self a Christian has been more of a label than a way of life. Many times it becomes more about us.  What we want. What we think.

What else in life do we call ourselves?  American?  Vegetarian? Republican? Democrat?  If we truly believe in something, don't we do something about it?  Doesn't it cause an action in us?  If I believe that I need food in order to survive, don't I choose to eat? If I believe that it’s best to live an active life, wouldn't I exercise?  If I really believed that those things would benefit me, I would choose do something with that belief.  To claim something is true, or to believe it, means that it makes us do something with that belief.  If I claim that it is important to stay active, but if all I do is sit around and do nothing, that is hypocrisy.  Or at the very least, one could assume that I don’t truly believe or value an active lifestyle as being important. 

To claim that you are something is fine, but it’s the action behind the belief that determines whether or not you really are what you claim to be. In James 2:19-22 it says:
“You believe there is one God.  Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.  You foolish person, do you want evidence that faith without deeds is useless? Was not our father Abraham considered righteous for what he did when he offered his son Isaac on the altar?  You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.”

See what it’s saying there?  Not that works are what saves us. Not in the least. Salvation has nothing to do with anything that we can do.  It’s Christ. It’s only about Jesus and the sacrifice that he made for us.  But to claim the name of Christ and to sit idly by doing nothing with that belief, isn’t just wrong, its evidence that perhaps, we aren’t living like Christ.  Believe me, I am just as guilty of this as anyone sitting here reading this.  Living like Christ, showing Him and His love to the world, would be evidence that of the faith that we place in Him.  That should be a goal.  To look more like Christ, and to accomplish that, it takes action.  It takes sacrifice.  It takes, dying to ourselves and placing Him first, so that others might come to know Him.

Saying that you are a Christian is great, it really is.  Think about what that means though.  Don't just use that term because you like what the rewards could be.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to escape the wrath of God, but that side of God DOES exist.  We shouldn't fool ourselves into thinking that we can call ourselves Christians, yet continue to ignore what God says.  Who are we to make up our own rules?  Who are we, to decide that ‘God wouldn't really mean that' or ' God wants me to be happy’?  Let's make one thing clear and it's something that has really changed how I view God.

 No matter what our response is to God and His commands, He is still God and he is in Control. No matter if we think something God does is right or wrong.  He is still God and it's His call, not ours.
We have no right to change the rules because we don't like them or they don't 'really apply to us'. 

 In 1 John 2 It says:
³ We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. ⁴ Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. ⁵ But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: ⁶ Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.

So are we going to do that perfectly? No.  No way. Not on this side of living.  However, that doesn't give us excuse to choose to do whatever we want and act like it's ok.  It's not ok.  In Hebrews, we find a really difficult verse to read, but it's oh so encouraging at the same time.  It makes me TRULY want to follow Jesus and his ways, because I DO NOT want to be called an enemy of God. Ready for it? Here it is:

Hebrews 10:26-29 - ²⁶ If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, ²⁷ but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. ²⁸ Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. ²⁹ How much more severely do you think someone deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God underfoot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified them, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?

 Difficult to read isn't it?  For those of you who call yourselves believers, really think about your everyday actions. Is God and His purpose all that matters?  It should be!  Let's all live a life worthy of Jesus' sacrifice and in thankful response to His love, despite our tendency towards wickedness!

I've also heard the phrase, "Don't judge me." thrown around in the church a TON.  If you have given your life to Christ, please know this: you have agreed to give your life FULLY to Him.  To sacrifice your life because He sacrificed His for you.  You have agreed to live your life in the same manner that he did, in complete reverence to God, the Father.  Trusting Him and trusting that what He says is best. If you use this Phrase, stop it.  If someone tells you that you don't look like Christ, instead of getting angry, take a step back and consider your actions.  If they don't look like Christ, make them look like Him!

So the "Don't judge me" phrase, while a nice try for an excuse, doesn't apply when it comes to our fellow believers.  We, as believers, all make up one body, and just as the entire human body is affected if our hand is in pain, the same thing applies to the body of Christ.  We are accountable to one another and it's our responsibility to help one another find our way back towards Christ and back towards truth.  Note: We are NEVER to be the judges of people's hearts. That is exclusively for God.  Also consider that there is a possibility that someone who is claiming to be a Christian, might not be as mature in their faith.  Please, when you approach someone who is deliberately sinning, make sure to follow the Biblical approach to confront them.  (Follow the example in Matthew 18:15-17).  Be loving at all times, if you don't know this person, perhaps its best to find someone who does know them to talk with them.  Remember to look at your life first as well.  Pray.

The purpose of the church's judgments upon fellow believers’ actions should be not to condemn, but to help restore the sinful believer back into useful service.

 Check out Galatians 6:1-6
¹ Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. ² Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

 Rules

Growing up, Most of us didn't understand the rules that were set before us by our parents.  Children often disregard the rules.  This stems from a true lack of knowledge as to why the rules are established in the first place. 

Sometimes we think that we know better than the people who are giving us standards to live by.  We often will choose to ignore standards because of this lack of understanding.

For those of you with children, I am sure you will understand this best, but if even if you don't have children, think back to when you were a child and your parents told you that you couldn't have that extra cookie, or you couldn't stay up past a certain bed time.  What went through your mind?

"That isn't fair!" or "But I want to!" often went through my mind, especially when I would see my older brothers have seemingly different rules.  I remember when I was around 8 or 9, sneaking in the garage freezer and grabbing a handful of frozen chocolate chips.  Why did I feel the need to sneak?  My parents hadn't even told me that I couldn't have any! In my heart, I was thinking to myself, "I will get in trouble if I'm caught doing this, but I want to, so I'm going to anyway."  That was wrong of me.

It's my belief that this very way of thinking, has a lot to do with our everyday sin and what has ultimately led to divisions in not just family, but in the Church as a whole.

Often times, we will write our own set of rules in our heads and anything that is seen as infringing on our rights or beliefs, will often be regarded as wrong or inaccurate.  Let me tell you this, my friends, there is but one truth, and that truth can be found in scripture:

 John 14:6 - Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

There you have it, follow Jesus and you can't go wrong, Right?

Why have rules in the first place?  Rules are typically established to help us live life without complication or unexpected (often disastrous) results. 

For example, think of a place where we didn't have to obey stop signs or stay on the proper side of the road.  Can you imagine the chaos?  People would be constantly crashing into objects, into each other, it would be messy and it would be deadly.  Some might argue that it wouldn't be THAT bad, but they would be missing the point.  People would make up for themselves what is right, and when that didn't match up with someone else's way of thinking, it has hazardous potential. 

The rules of the road exist to keep a general flow of traffic at a safe and steady speed to regulate the direction of people who travel on them.  They exist to keep people safe and get them to where they are going in the safest manner.  So what happens when one person chooses to take matters into their own hands?  It hardly ends in success, even if we get what we want, we still broke the law. Does this false sense of success mean that rules shouldn't exist?  No.  It simply means that for a moment, we are able to temporarily avoid the consequence of breaking the law.  The law still applies, even if we think we are above it.

 Jesus says in John 14:15 - ¹⁵ “If you love me, keep my commands.

 It's time to let go of control and surrender to God's direction.  Calling ourselves Christians literally means we are calling ourselves Christ Ones.  Meaning, we are of Christ.  What does it mean to be of Christ?  It means to do and follow what He says.  Anything outside of this is sin, is wrong.  We can justify things in our minds all we would like but if it doesn't match up to Christ, to His word, it's not to be followed. 

 Just remember what Jesus’ response was when the Pharisees were trying to trick Him into naming one of the commands as more important than the others (Matthew 22:36-40).
  “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” They asked him. Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ‘This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Jesus’ response was literally to make sure you Love God with all that you are, and to Love people just as you would want to be loved.  That’s it. So you see, many ‘laws’ existed for these people, just as they do for us.  Instead of picking one of their specific laws, Jesus cuts straight to the heart and says that the most important thing is to Love God and to Love people.  All other laws were meant to help us follow those things.  To not steal from someone, was helping us love them better.  To make sure that we don’t misuse God’s name, and that we don’t have any gods before Him, helps us to love Him better!  Think about your actions, no matter how big or small, is what you are doing, loving Him?  Is it loving people?  If not, don’t do it.

The American Dream

 I believe it's safe to say that while the American dream isn't in itself wrong, I sometimes wonder if we concentrate too heavily on making that dream a reality. Perhaps it causes us to begin to lose a little bit of our dependence on God.  If we pursue anything more than we pursue Christ, we need to snap out of it and take a dose of reality (His reality). 

 The American dream sounds great doesn't it?  Don't get me wrong, I would like a home, a family, success, just like anyone else, but something that I constantly have to ask myself is this:  If I was able to gain nothing, If I never got a home, If I never had a family, success or anything that our society says is important for me to have, would I still be content in God?  Would I still want to serve Him? Would I still Love Him? I want to say yes.  I should say yes.  I'm in the process of trying to get to that point, but the reality is that most of us, would have a hard time at that level.  Myself included. 

 I can't count the amount of people I come across that have left a particular church body because of a disagreement or something wasn't how 'they' liked it to be.

I've heard far too many comments from people in the last 10 years that sounded like this: "Well I don't get anything from the worship there" or "Serving isn't really my thing."   I think that many in our churches today, myself included, have been caught up trying to "make the most of our lives" that we often learn to rely on ourselves rather than God.  In other words, the comfort promised in the American dream has become more of a priority than the comfort of serving the Living God.

This shouldn't be.  Often times we focus too much on our thoughts, our opinions and often times we will even blend those thoughts and opinions in with scripture and suddenly, we've created, 'the Church of Me.' It’s at that point that it becomes about 'us' and our desires, instead of God's.  It becomes about routine, about going every Sunday because that is what we have always done, and less about truly wanting to get together with other believers because it's good for us.  It needs to be about God and His business.  God is the only thing that matters in this life and everything else is an accessory.  All that we do, should be for His glory.

This life isn’t about getting everything that we want.  It’s not about our happiness.  It’s about seeking Jesus and serving Him.  Though, I truly believe that if we seek Him and serve Him and spend time with Him, we can find all that we need. We can find TRUE happiness.  Not a happiness based upon our earthly desires, but happiness rooted in the true reason that we were created.  To Serve and to Worship Him.  God knows our hearts and He knows both what we desire and what we need.  Just because we feel strongly about something or want something badly, doesn’t mean that it’s right.  Compare all things back to scripture and to Jesus. The answer is ALWAYS found in Him.

When it comes to disagreements within the church, live out the words written in Ephesians 4.  Rather than leave you with my opinion or writings, I will leave you with the entire chapter of Ephesians 4. Go Read it. 

 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%204&version=NIV)

I apologize if any of this seemed condemning or hateful, it's meant as an encouragement to follow Christ, not as a piece of judgment toward you or anyone else, I myself need to work on nearly everything I wrote in here. So, if you feel anything from my words, I only hope that it's a sense that I desire you to find the truth that is Christ and to serve Him because of His grace to you.

Eureka!

Proverbs 31:10-12, 25-31

A Wife of Noble Character

¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.
¹² She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.
²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

²⁸ Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her:
²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”

³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. ³¹ Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise

Six years ago today my wife and I started on the journey to what would start our relationship. We had dated two times prior to this, but my heart wasn't where it needed to be before that September 26th to be able to commit how she wanted me to. Then came that day, where God spoke oh so clearly to me. He told me that Breeann was the girl I was going to be with. The one who he wanted me to be with. I was utterly confused at this. I mean, I had just broken this girl's heart, twice! Still though, I trusted in God's direction and decided to give it one more go. I couldn't help but think, maybe it was just me debating within myself. Why the heck would this girl want to take me back?!

Though I'm sure she was given advice by plenty of her friends and family not to trust me again, she said yes. So there we were, at the beginning of what God would turn into a marriage just 28.9 months later (2 years, 4 months and 28 days).

Now that girl is my wife of 3 years, 7 months and 4 days. A friend of mine asked me the other day if I was still enjoying being married to Breeann, and of course the answer is yes. For so many reasons I will give a little later. My initial response though, was something like this, "Well, of course I am still enjoying being married to Breeann, but sometimes it's less about my feelings and more about the covenant that we made to God to stay together through all times, no matter what." That, my friends, is how I know that our marriage is strong and can last through anything. Because we have decided to make God the center, our marriage can and will defeat the odds.

The verses I started with, Proverbs 31, Speaks to me that finding a woman who truly loves the Lord is not only rare, but it's to be treasured. To find a woman like this, truly is a blessing. It's why I titled this blog 'Eureka!' Or more specifically, I found it (her). God placed her before me, with specific instructions that if I really wanted love in this life, to #1 - seek Him first, and #2 - Sacrifice what I think is best for my life and trust Him because He knows what's best for my life. Breeann, my wife, WAS and IS the best possible wife that God could have picked for me.

Some of her qualities that I truly admire is her willingness to reach out to others, especially those who need it most. I've seen the way she sacrifices for others, and it truly is admirable. It's given me a desire to have a bigger heart for the people that we are around or the people that we work with. Sometimes she sees this as a weakness but I see it as a very Christlike quality in her and I do not think it should be discouraged.

Another thing that I enjoy about my wife, is the fact that she has a beautiful singing voice. When she sings, especially when it's worship, for a brief moment, all seems right in the world. I get to see her live out her reason for being created, to see her Worship her God is something that I treasure and it makes me truly see the beauty of her Heart and the uniqueness God gave to her.

Another thing I love about my wife is her smile, this one she does a lot, but never quite enough. I could always use one more in my day, because it's at these moments, I know she truly is happy and I like seeing her happy.

Breeann also is extremely beautiful. That's a nice way of me saying she's smokin' hot. Hard to believe that someone as gorgeous as her could love a guy like me. I don't think I'm much, though I know she thinks much differently about me than I do.

The thing that I admire most about my wife though, is her passion and her intense longing to serve God, at all costs. When things are difficult, she doesn't give up or throw the towel in, even though there are times when she wants to. She is persistent and she loves to seek God's will and my friends, that is how I knew that out of all the women out there, this would be the woman I was supposed to marry.

I couldn't feel more blessed to be her husband because she truly is a rare find. I am blessed in ways that I truly do not deserve. She makes my life so much richer and gives it a depth that I know could only come through God's blessing. Thank you Lord for blessing me with Breeann as my wife. Thank you that she loves you and puts You first, so that she can be the awesome wife that she is. Please let me be equally as great of a husband to her. We love you.

Abnormal

Typical is not a way I would describe what took place on Saturday. In fact, I would go as far as saying it was abnormal. So, now that you're hooked, let me tell you exactly what happened.

In the heart of San Francisco, lies a place that is in disarray. It's called the tenderloin, and thousands of homeless live on the streets here. Men. Women. Children. One thing is quite clear when you visit this place. One thing stands out among everything else. It stands out above all the buildings, all the cars, and anything else around. Need. All people need something here. Nearly everyone needs food. Some need shelter, some, better clothing. But the one thing that is needed the most here: Jesus Christ (he is needed all places). The need for Him here though, is deafening.

That is where City Impact is trying to make a difference. City Impact is a rescue mission located in the heart of this place. It was started by a man, who saw this need when he was younger, was obedient to God, made 50 sandwiches for the people here, and if you fast forward to today and you have what is now City Impact, a rescue mission with a desire to help the people here. There is one goal. To share Christ with the lost, the broken, and the needy. Providing for physical needs? Absolutely, but for the end result of showing the love of Christ to others so they might know Him and choose to follow Him.

My wife and I got to travel to this place on Saturday. We took place in a conference of over 500 people. It was not going to be a conference of talking about doing things, but to actually venture out among the people in this place and serve them, just as Christ would. To go out, and to love His people, His creations, and to tell them they are loved, they are cared about, they haven't been forgotten. To penetrate the darkness of this world with the amazing light that Jesus Christ brings. Something was experienced on Saturday that I haven't seen quite like this in a while.

I saw love; I saw prayer; I saw obedience. People choosing to serve others, rather than themselves. People choosing to say no to selfish ambition and vain conceit and truly considering others better than themselves. People unifying in the message that Christ is the way, Christ is the truth, and He is the life. People living to do something other than be comfortable. Something other than look to satisfy their own hungers, their own desires, their own pleasures. It was about one thing: Jesus. That's it.

It was in such opposition to the typical. It wasn't normal. It wasn't safe. It reached far beyond our comforts and every day living. For those who went, we got the privilege to meet and serve with a man named Francis Chan. Maybe you've heard of him, and maybe you haven't. He is the author of the books Crazy Love, Forgotten God and Erasing Hell. That isn't the cool part though. In fact, compared to what Jesus did on this day, it's far from cool. Francis is a man who loves Jesus, he is a man who wants to see others come to know Jesus. I most admired him on this day for being willing to humble himself and truly reach a hand out and serve those who needed it most. Not to consider himself higher than anyone else but to give himself and his time as a sacrifice so that others may come to know the Jesus that has saved those of us who have come to know Him and call Him our God. When I say we served with him, I don't mean he was there and gave a great message, he was, just as we were, serving people at their level and their need because they matter. Because they are creations of God and they are in need of Him. So for this, thank you Francis!

When Francis was talking to the group of us that were there to serve, he challenged us all to cleanse our hearts before we served. To offer up anything that we needed to speak with God about and rid ourselves of before we served. John the Baptist preached repentance, Jesus preached Repentance, as did many others throughout scripture. It has to be important right? We should cleanse ourselves before attempting to bring others to Christ. Because we are imperfect people, we can only be effective when we stop living like it's okay to serve Christ half-heartedly. Deliberately choosing sin, or even tolerating it, isn't okay. We must offer up our repentance to Him so we will be able to be effective in reaching others towards Him. I can only assume people were obedient in repentance before we went out to physically work with people because once we did, it was awesome. By that, I mean it really was awe-inspiring.

I saw 600 homeless wait in line to receive groceries but they also got to sit down for a service to listen to a message from one of the pastors there and to also worship alongside a band that was playing. And let me tell you, I saw people worshiping their creator! People who were broken, people who didn't have anything except the air they breathed and some small hand outs. They were worshiping the Lord. Not blaming him for their current state like so many people in our world do. Along with the service and worship, there was meal delivery, evangelism teams, feet washing, a school makeover, people makeovers, clothing distribution, and much more.

Why did any of us choose to do this? Obedience is the short answer. We are supposed to. This is how life was meant to be lived. In service to one another.

These are people who are made in the image of God. People who are lost and heading towards one place. Emptiness and destruction. It's heart-breaking to see people who created to worship God, live under such pressure and darkness. It's almost like they are in a prison. Some put themselves there, others ended up there due to life circumstances, but none of them need to live under the darkness that they do though. There is a way to turn it all around. The enemy may think he's won but let me tell you. This stronghold of sin, isn't going to last much longer. Through the love of Christ, there is freedom.

Life isn't about our safety. It's not about saving up all the possessions we can find. It's not about glorifying ourselves. It's about Jesus and Him alone. It's about loving because Jesus first loved us.

The message of our world, or at least our American world is one of self-actualization. To become the best you can possibly be. To accomplish any and every goal you might have. To make yourself great and essentially, glorify yourself.

What would you say if I said this was wrong? Would you call me unpatriotic? Would I be crazy? Maybe so, but the message that I see Christ preaching is one of Glorifying Him and Glorifying our Father in Heaven. (Matthew 5:16)

When Jesus was talking to the rich man in Matthew 19. He told him to sell all his possessions and give to the poor.

16 Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”

17 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”

18 “Which ones?” he inquired.

Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”

20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Does this mean we are all supposed to give away our possessions? Yes. It does. Notice the man was sad after Jesus told him to get rid of his stuff. After all, he had worked so hard saving up his treasures. This is where he truly placed his comfort. It wasn't about following Jesus and serving others. His confidence was in his possessions. In the same way Jesus told him to get rid of his possessions, we are supposed to get rid of anything that would keep us from following Jesus and serving others. Anything that comes before God, we are supposed to get rid of. Anything. That car. Those vacation plans. That money.

The point of this blog isn't to bring attention to anything that we did or glory to ourselves. Quite the opposite. It is about telling you about a time in my life, where I saw life as it was meant to be lived. I saw the church of Christ truly doing what it was called to do. Perfectly? No. Not in the least, but when Jesus is involved, he can take what we did and work it perfectly into His plan! We are just people after all, but when the church of Christ gives the power and glory to Him, we are made heirs to the same power and love that raised Jesus from the dead. We can find perfection, but not in ourselves, we can find it in Jesus.

There is only one way that this place so enveloped by darkness will ever change, and that is when the people who claim to love and follow Jesus truly deny themselves and look to Jesus to make the change that is needed. Considering others better than ourselves and choosing to let our hearts break for the same thing that breaks Jesus's heart. Not just for people needing food, though sad, not just being crippled, though difficult to see, but seeing people be trapped by the darkness that comes through not knowing Him. Seeing people's lives headed towards utter destruction. That is where the heart-breaking truly matters. When our hearts break for this reason, and we are willing to look at people in the eye and tell them that there is a way towards Life (Jesus), is when we truly live life as it was meant to be lived. In complete obedience and surrender towards Him.

This is my desire from now on. To love with a love like I saw this weekend. To have such compassion rooted in Jesus that people recognize Him as their greatest need and begin to follow Him. I only hope that out of what was experienced this weekend, we can replicate this process within our communities and within our world. To choose the abnormal way instead of the normal way, to choose to not go down the road of comfort and self-gratification and to start to live a life that is seemingly crazy to the rest of the world. A life that is out of this world and in complete surrender to Jesus Christ.

Jesus. I love you. My life is yours.

Tragedy

Tragedy struck our country on September 11, 2001.  Like most people, I can remember every emotion I felt on that day, and how it made me feel for the next 10 years.  Last night (the night it was first aired) I learned of the death of the head or symbolic leader of the al Qaeda regime. Usuma Bin Laden was finally dead.

People were assembling in joy, in unity, that finally, the evil Bin Laden was slain.  I heard people singing songs like "Ding Dong Bin Laden's Dead", or "Na na nana Na Na nana Hey Hey Hey Goodbye."  I saw people post numerous Facebook or Twitter rants of  "Finally an evil man is dead" or "Good, He needs to Rot in Hell!" These took my by surprise, as I expect this type of response from most people, but a response like this from my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was in shock.  I was reminded of what it says in James 3:9-10

⁹ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

This should not be.  That phrase can be taken lightly can't it?  What really is meant by that is, It's unacceptable, it's inconsistent, and it's wrong.  Can we really curse God's creation to damnation and suffering and praise Him at the same time?  We curse (to wish evil upon) people who were created to worship Him and created in His likeness, in his image, so that they could live a life in service to Him, yet we often times choose to ignore people or worse, purposely hope they do not enter into our lives or way of living.

This whole blog might be considered unpatriotic but honestly, I AM glad he was tracked down and and I am glad he was finally brought to justice.  Yes, I consider myself a patriotic person and I do love our country, but I also love our world, and our universe.  I am in constant amazement at the vastness that our God has created.

Do I view Bin Laden as an evil man?  Yes.  I most certainly do. He was a man in desperate need of a dose of truth and the truth that was and is and is to come.  Jesus Christ.  Guess what though, without Christ, we are ALL evil in same form or fashion.  We are all sinners and in the same need of the same salvation.  So was Bin Laden evil?  Yes.  But was he more evil or more deserving of Hell than any of us?  No.  He simply did not choose Christ.

Most people if you ask them whether or not they are a "good", Most, would say Yes, or better than this guy, or that guy.  But we need to realize what God says about our hearts,  without Him, this is who we are:

In Romans 3:10-12 it says 
¹⁰ As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; ¹¹ there is no one who understands;
   there is no one who seeks God. ¹² All have turned away, they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good, not even one.”

and check out what it says later in verses 20-24

²⁰ Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin. ²¹ But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. ²² This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, ²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
 
 So what these verses are literally saying, is that in God's sights, according to the law itself, we are not made good or evil by obeying or disobeying the law.  The law does however, show how much we are ALL in need of a savior.  A person can only be made good by choosing Jesus Christ.  A person can only be truly called evil by not choosing Jesus Christ.  Therefore, we can conclude, without Jesus, we are ALL evil.

To you who follow Jesus and are rejoicing that this man is in Hell.  Are you really rejoicing that someone left this Earth and died without coming to know his Creator?  Again, this should not be!  You should not rejoice if anyone perishes without knowing Christ.

I would urge you to read this out of 1 Timothy 2.


 ¹ I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— ² for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. ³ This is good, and pleases God our Savior, ⁴ who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. ⁵ For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, ⁶ who gave himself as a ransom for all  people. 

So God wants all people to come to know Him.  Is this going to happen?  No, by nature of or Sin, no, some people will perish without ever knowing Him, but still, it says here that God's desire is that all people come to know Him, since we are to live as Jesus did in this world, we are to also, desire that all people come to know Him. 

So why then am I glad that Bin Laden was caught and brought to justice?  I am glad simply from the sense that this man can no longer spread terror and kill people who also are without Christ.  It is because of his actions and influences that many other people died and were not given the chance to get to know their creator as well.  Under his watch, the world saw more hate, more chaos, more sorrow, more evil. I am glad he was stopped and the people of the USA can finally feel a sense of closure from a man who terrorized so many people and murdered so many loved ones.

I am not happy however, that this man died having lived a life filled with nothing but things opposite of the truth.  I am not happy he died rejecting the one Truth that could ultimately save him.  He chose to live a life that was in service to things not of God.

So again, I say, it's not wrong to be happy that he was caught, and that evil will no longer come from his life.  It IS wrong however, to rejoice in his death and to rejoice in the fact that this man, who was created to worship God, is now separated from God, forever.

May you choose to follow Jesus and live and love just like He does.

Statistics

Disclaimer: This series is not being written to intentionally offend, attack, or hurt anyone else. I am writing it simply to express my thoughts and feelings on each particular subject. I will do my best to make sure my opinions are Biblically based and if you are offended or feel attacked, Please know that was not my intention here. Instead of becoming angry, I challenge you to dive into the Bible and do your own research. Either way, God's truth will reveal itself. I can only hope my words will help someone take a few steps closer to Him.

If you are in a dangerous or abusive situation or marriage, let me say this: GET OUT NOW!  It is not God's will for you to be hurt or treated in such a way that is not of Him.  If your spouse is abusing you in any manner, your spouse has already broken the marriage commitment and you are free to leave.

 They say that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why then do so many people still choose to get married? In the last 4 years, I've gone to more weddings than I can immediately remember. So, according to statistics, half of those are going to fail?! What a miserable thing to think about! It is my desire that not only all these marriages succeed, but that they go above and beyond and beat the odds by keeping Christ as the center of the marriage.

Not too long ago while I was at work, I stumbled across some news that truly upset me. A couple that I had once been close to, had gotten divorced. I was close to both of them and truly respected them as a Godly, Christ-serving couple. This news was like a slap on the face that you do not expect, it's sudden, it's painful and it makes you really think about yourself. (Just so I make it clear before you think I'm some self-righteous schmuck who is going around pointing the finger, I know I am by no means perfect.)

Before I delve into my thoughts, let's take a look at what the Bible has to say about divorce.

Matthew 5:31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery,

and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Matthew 19

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” 4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." 7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” 8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” 10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” 11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.  12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

 

Malachi 2:16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

So right away, what do we notice? Is divorce allowed according to scripture. Yes! What is the reason behind it however? A divorce is permitted in the cases of marital unfaithfulness. In Matthew 19, we see some Pharisees attempt to test Jesus. Jesus basically says that in the beginning Man and Woman were created to be together. That's why people will leave the households they grew up in, to be united with their spouse and become one with them.

It would seem based upon scripture, divorce, while permitted in cases of martial unfaithfulness, is not a thing that was intended for man and woman to have to experience. In other words, since sin entered the world, it means that we are imperfect and guess what? Since people are imperfect, surely we are going to do things that aren't in each other's best interests! We can only be made perfect and complete through Christ, it is my firm belief that unless Christ is at the center, there is absolutely no way that a perfect marriage will exist and eventually, of ourselves, a divorce is highly likely to occur. However, if two people who are serving Christ on their own, can come together in marriage, make sure that they are each serving Christ and if they can keep Him at the center of the marriage, what a beautiful marriage it will be!

When people get married, often times there are vows that they agree to with one another. This is good and appropriate. However, when two Christian's marry, there is also a vow to the Lord that you are committing your life to this other person, to serve, to protect, to love and to cherish this person for the rest of your life. 

Now, when someone breaks a promise to us, isn't it expected sometimes? I mean, when I got married, I vowed to love my wife at all times and to treat her the way God would want me to treat her. Now, in my human side, do you honestly think that I have always treated her with love and respect and always treated her how God wanted me to? Short answer, no. I haven't always done that, though I had vowed to do this on our wedding day. However, the other side of the vow that was included in our marriage was the vow to God that no matter how hard things got or how different we felt our paths were, we would remain united in Him. That if He was the only thing we had in common, that would be enough to keep our marriage going.

Many of you might say, "It's none of your business what other people choose to do with their marriage, it's a highly personal decision." To this, I might reply, while it is a personal decision which I have no part in making for anyone else, the Bible also goes on to say that the Church, those who are in Christ, make up one body. When one part of the body hurts, it affects the entire rest of the body. Therefore, when a decision is made by a brother or sister in Christ of mine, it affects them, it affects me, and it affects the Church as a whole.

For an example of how sin can affect the entire Church: check out this verse out of 1 Corinthians 5:

1 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. 2 And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? 3 For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. 4 So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, 5 hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord. 6 Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? 7 Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8 Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. 9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people 12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.

So this is a highly different situation than divorce, but the end result is the same. This man, in his sin, was affecting the entire Church. Our call is simple: to be a light in a dark world, to help people realize that darkness, and to present them with the light that is Christ so they can ultimately come to have a relationship with Him as well.

So back to divorce. As you can see with the section above, my sin affects you, your sin affects me. On the subject of vows, we constantly break vows and promises to one another don't we? How often so we say, "I'll pray for you" or "yeah, I will call you to get together this week." Or in extreme cases, how many people vow under oath in court that something is true? This is a common thing. Not a good thing, a thing common to us as people. We might even have good intentions, but many times we say things at the moment, lacking real intention on following through. It helps us to get what we want. However, when we make a vow to God, it's said it's better to not make a vow at all than to make a vow to God and break it.

Deuteronomy 23 - 21 If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin. 22 But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty. 23 Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.

 So breaking vows to my wife, in a sense, while still not acceptable, can almost be expected due to my humanity. However, according to this verse, breaking a vow I've made to God, is simply, sin.

So what can be contrived out of all that I've written thus far? This: If two Christians have married and vowed to God to be together until death separates them, anything else outside of this, causes them to sin.

Now, in the case of marital unfaithfulness, as we noticed above, this is the circumstance in which Jesus gave permission to leave. Why though? Because, the sin was already committed, the marriage bed had already been violated, thus it was permissible for the spouse who did not commit adultery, to leave, because the other spouse, according to this, had already left.

So let's throw a twist in here, I have to look at it this way, if even looking at another girl and having one thought about her is the same as committing adultery in our hearts (Matthew 5:28), how many husbands are guilty of this?! Yes, even Christian husbands! That being said, if so many people are guilty of this, does that technically mean that our spouses have the permission to leave us? YES. The simple thought of someone or something outside of the marriage to our spouse is regarded in exactly the same fashion as committing the act.

One of my favorite books in the Bible is Hosea. For those of you who aren't familiar with this story, please take time to read it. It is primarily about Hosea who was married to an unfaithful wife, Gomer. God instructs Hosea to take her back. It goes on to compare Hosea's situation to that of the Israelites and God's. This, to me, is a beautiful illustration of God's relationship with his people and how even though they constantly sought after things that weren't of Him, he reached his hands out, forgave them and took them back.

All this being considered, we are also regarded as the bride of Christ. How often do we sin against God? How often do we desire things that aren't of him? All too often. We commit adultery against Christ daily and guess what, He still forgives us and reaches His arms out and says, I will take your sin and I still love you. Simply put, this is how I want my relationship to be with my wife. No matter how much we do to hurt one another, we still welcome each other with open arms, knowing that while the pain from the mistakes will affect us for a while, Christ, as long as he is the center, will get us through anything.

They say 50% of marriages end in divorce. Those aren't very good statistics if you ask anyone. Not only is that a failing grade, but if you were presented with a situation and you were told, there is a 50% chance you will survive this, would you still take the step? My guess is most people would say, it's not worth it. I want to survive. Why then do so many people take the step to get married? I believe that, at one time in our lives, we desire to live above statistics. We believe that, if we take the step, WE can beat the odds. Let me tell you, if you are in Christ, you CAN beat those odds.

To quote DC Talk for a moment, Love is a verb. What the heck do I mean by this? Well, we grow up often times believing that love is like that first crush we had as middle schoolers. It makes us all warm and fuzzy and will never go away. We believe that Love is a feeling. I feel loved, I feel love....therefore I am in love. Let me tell you. While you can feel love for others, you can feel loved by others, Love, primarily is an action. Tell me if this is your idea of love:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Do those things sound like feelings or actions? According to scripture, if I can do those things, that is how I can truly Love my wife. When we fail to do these things in our marriages, when we fail to keep TRUE Love (Christ) at the center, that and that alone is the primary reason that people give up marriages.
Here is some advice I have for all sorts of people out there, pick your category and hopefully, you will find this a catalyst towards a future centered in Christ!

To those of you who are married: Please re-commit yourself to your spouse on a daily basis. Serve one another and be united in Christ. Forgive each other just as Christ forgives us on a daily basis. Don't consider divorce as an option. No matter how much you feel like you aren't on the same page, realize that you already made the commitment and choose to love just as Christ loves the church.

To those of you who are single: When you do decide to take that step of marriage, may it be for good! May you live above the statistics and commit to your future spouse in the same way that Christ is committed to the Church. May you realize the depth of your commitment and stick to it. Rely on God to get you through the storms in your relationship and may he be the glue that binds your marriage together.

To those who are already divorced: May you find that God is full of grace and forgiveness, lean on him for healing and spend time in prayer, commit your hearts to Him. If you and your spouse are both believers and are still not married or together, I pray that God will reconcile your hearts first to Him and then back to one another. It's not too late! Remember to pray for God's direction and God's will in your life. It's my prayer that you will rediscover that you are still able to love the other person, through Jesus of course!

To those who are divorced and re-married (to someone else): Serve God where you are now. While the divorce from your previous spouse may still linger on your heart, trust in God's forgiveness and continue to live for Him today! He can use all things for His good and if you have asked for forgiveness, trust that He has your sin and you are free to live in Him and for Him! May your new marriage be filled with Christ and centered in Him!

That's it everyone. I truly hope that I did not hurt anyone, as I stated above, if you at all disagree with any statements that I made, I encourage you to study God's word and come to conclusions based upon what you find. Know though, that no matter what we think, God's truth will reveal itself in time. I apologize if you were hurt by anything that I said. I DO NOT look down on anyone who has been divorced or anything like that. It's just that I have high hopes when people say that they want to be together and serve one another in Christ for the rest of their lives. May you choose Christ and may you choose True Love, because Love never Fails.

As for me and my wife, we choose to live for Christ and live above the statistics!

May you choose to do the same!

Epic Failure

There they were.  The cables to ascend to the peak of Half Dome in Yosemite National Park were finally within my view.  I could see several hundred people as they ventured to the top.  I was sitting just below the switchbacks of the subdome, staring and asking myself, "Do you have it in you right now to make it up those cables?"

Before I reveal my decision, let's skip back to the beginning.  Not just the beginning of this 20 mile day hike, but the beginning of my decision to venture to the top of half dome.

In my early teens (I honestly do not remember when), we were camping with relatives in Yosemite.  One sunny afternoon, our group got the idea to venture to the top of Vernal Falls.  It was here that I fell in love with hiking and first truly experienced the awesomeness of God's creation. It was me, my brother Jeremy and my Dad that ventured to the top and we finally made it, soaked but feeling like we conquered the world (and it was only a mile and a half one way!)

I found out shortly after that trip that the hike we did was the start of the hike to half dome.  Immediately I decided that someday, I would take this hike to that awesome granite rock and hopefully get to the very top!

I visited Yosemite several times between that first Vernal Falls hike until this most recent trip of 2010.  Most times I visited the park, I would re-take the Vernal falls hike.  Even taking my wife Breeann with me for two of the times.  I must say, something about being right at the edge of Vernal Falls looking down at the amazingness it overlooks, really puts me in my place. It really is one of my favorite places in the world. All it takes is a quick second for me to realize that creation truly is crying out that God is vastly bigger than anything I can imagine, yet he still loves me and chooses to use me.  It's beyond comprehension.

June 22, 2010.  So it was finally here!  The day I was going to hike to the top of Half Dome!  I slept horribly the night before! I'm not sure if it was from being too hot, or sleeping on pure ground with no padding or what, but either way, I did not get enough rest.  Yeah right!  Like that is going to stop me!  I was all ready to go!  Backpack? Check! Water? Check! Sunglasses? Check!  You get the idea.  And so it was, we were on our way and my excitement was growing bigger than ever.

We finally got started around 7:15.  We started up the Mist trail towards the well-known Vernal Falls.  I started to feel something I hadn't before.  I was feeling physical exhaustion.  Maybe I was dehydrated, I quickly drank some water and kept on trekking, noticing that I was falling further and further behind the rest of the group.  My heart was rapidly sinking, realizing that I wasn't as ready for this trip as I thought.  Doubt quickly set in.  It was at that moment, I said what would be of several prayers to God asking for his strength.

My prayer went something like this: "God, you know how long I have wanted to do this hike, and I realize now that I may not make it the whole way.  I pray that you give me the strength, to venture as long as you would like me to go, and when you want me to go no further, I pray that you make that very clear."

So from that point on, it was one step at a time.  I had no other choice. Soon, my best friend Jon was walking with me, stopping every so often for a breather and eventually I told him to continue on without me.  Eventually, I made it to the top of Vernal Falls.  Finally!  I could breathe again, It was here where I would decide, am I going to go further?  Or is this as far as I was going to make it?  I said another prayer and God clearly revealed it was ok to go further.  I caught my breath and continued on alone.  On to Nevada Falls!

I was finally in unfamiliar territory!  It was just me and God and I was starting to feel that there was more purpose to just getting to the top of a rock to what I was experiencing but I wouldn't truly understand this until much later in the day.  I ventured on alone for another mile and a half until I reached the top of Nevada Falls.  Suprisingly, I was much less tired than I was before!  I continued to constantly talk to God on the trip, everytime I felt short of breath or pain, I would say, "God, please let me accomplish as much as you want me to so I can say that you gave me the strength.  Let this be for your Glory, not for mine"

Little Yosemite Valley wasn't too far ahead so I caught my breath and I kept on going.  I quickly ran into Stephen Burton who told me that the rest of the group was at the river ahead, filling up with water.  I thought to myself, "really? They are THAT close?!"  About a quarter mile later, I ran into Eric and Sarah and her mom. They told me that they were going to continue to the top and to tell the rest of the group.  I decided to continue to venture towards the group at the river.   I was whistling the whole time around the area, because honestly, I had NO clue where to go or where they were!  I then heard something OH SO familiar.  A familiar Squeak.  I answered it with a squeak back and realized that I had caught up to the other group!  Jon Jessee!  John Osburn!  Stacy!  The entire group.  I put my stuff down, re-filled my water bottles with Merced River water (Thank you to Chance for filtering it for me!)  I ate some Tootsie Rolls, some beef jerky and then decided it was ok for me to continue on.  So, in a familiar fashion as the start of the hike, we took off towards the second half of the hike. 

Soon, everyone was slowly pulling ahead of me again (no suprise there, after all, I never was good at cross country, I was always more of a sprinter!)  I told them that it was ok and that I was going to pace myself and spend time talking to God.  After all, it got me this far!  So that's what happened.  It was just me and God again and I was ok with that!

About a mile later, I ran into a group of 3 guys.  They were all going at a similar pace as I was and I noticed that one of their shirts said "Manteca Football."  I had some great conversation with these guys and realized that the one with the shirt looked familiar.  I realized it was Brad Garlets and I asked him if he knew my brothers Aaron and Brandon and he said that he did.  I spent about two miles hiking in the same vicinity at the same pace as these guys.  I would pass them, rest, and they would pass me and rest.  I continued to talk to God and thank him for the quick companionship he was giving me in others around me. 

I finally stopped and took a real breather and down the path I noticed that Rosalynn Jessee, my best friends' wife was coming up the trail with her friend Ruth and her boyfriend.  Well then!  I told them that they should keep going but they decided to hang back with me.  I felt bad at first because Ruth and her boyfriend were definitely made for this type of hike.  They weren't really sweating or running short on breath.  It was almost discouraging.

I kept on apologizing for making them wait because literally I was stopping at what seemed like every couple minutes (thought it was actually longer, how long? I'm not sure).  Eventually I stopped apologizing because I felt that I was getting annoying.  We kept on trekking and I could see the back of half dome, my eyes squinted a little when I realized that I could now see a faint line going up the side of the dome and at that moment I realized we were getting closer. 

Only a few miles left!  I soon realized that as I found company to walk with, I wasn't talking to God as much as I was when I was walking alone, I think this is the reason I was getting more tired and achey.  After a couple of miles together and a good distance to go on, Ruth and her Boyfriend went on ahead of me and Rosalynn.  Rosalynn and I continued at our normal pace and I kept on saying, "I'm not sure I'm going to be able to much further."  Again, forgetting what God and I had been talking about the whole time. 

I started to pray again, and prayed that God would make it very evident when enough was enough.  But still, we kept on trekking, despite my pain and despite my self-doubt.  We had FINALLY reached the bottom of the Switchbacks. The Switchbacks are vigorous sets of steps that are very strenuous.   I sat down because I realized that just beyond the switchbacks were the famous Half-Dome Cables.

There they were. The cables to ascend to the peak of Half Dome in Yosemite National Park were finally within my view. I could see several hundred people as they ventured to the top. I was sitting just below the switchbacks of the subdome, staring and asking myself, "Do you have it in you right now to make it up those cables?

At that very moment, I started to feel sick.  Not the throwing up kind of sick. I was light-headed, slightly dizzy and at first, was thinking, "NO! Not now! I am so close."

I told Rosalynn to go ahead without me and if I felt up to it, I would continue on by myself.  So Rosalynn ventured off (Good luck Rosalynn!).  I was upset!  I knew I couldn't justify going the rest of the way.  I wept for a few minutes as I felt disappointed with what seemed to be failure.  I stood up, and began to walk slowly back down the trail.  About 200 yards back down, I sat again, with the switchbacks and cables still within my view.  I was alone and I sat down and prayed.  I asked God if this was it.  I had traveled 95% of the way and God answered, "you have come as far as I want you to go." 

I can't explain what happened to me when I realized that God wouldn't let me continue on.  It wasn't my body that failed! It wasn't a fear that took over and it wasn't that I wasn't willing to go if God wanted me to go.  It was that God was with me and wanted me to give him all of the Glory.  What an opportunity!  To be able to serve God in a way that most people would call 'my failure.'  My failure WAS my success!  If I had continued on, it would simply have been because "I" wanted to, and that would be to my glory.  That might sound like the biggest cop-out or excuse ever, but I cannot explain in words just how powerful this moment was for me.

This hike wasn't meant for me after all!  It had all been building up to that moment when I realized that I was there for God and not myself.  God wanted me to spend some time with Him and He wanted me to acknowledge Him first and realize that He is my rock. Not some huge Granite dome in the ground.  He is bigger, He is stronger and He created it! As long as my feet are planted in Him, I will ALWAYS find success, not my success but His.

You might think this is where the story ends, but it doesn't.  You see, I am only halfway done with this hike!  I still have the rest of the way down to go.  I stood up took about three pictures because I wanted to remember this moment because it was awesome!  The view was still AMAZING from where I was! After all, I was 95% of the way there!  I started the long trip back down the mountain.  I decided to go alone since the others were either on the top of Half Dome already or ready to do the cables, I figured, now would be a good time to leave because they would most likely catch up with me before I got all the way back.  So I ventured off, just me and God again.

A few hundred yards later, I saw Tim G. coming up the trail.  HOW AWESOME!  He had traveled all the way up too, by himself, in pain, in agony and still he was able to make it as far as I went and then some (he made it to the cables and then turned back)  He got to see his son, Timmy, as he was coming down off of Half Dome.  I briefly told Tim of my experience and that I had to go back now and he gave me a few words of encouragement and sent me on my way.

Let's fast foward a bit, because it's all downhill him here (pun intended).  I walked, and walked and walked until I was back in Little Yosemite Valley and I slowly was approaching Nevada Falls and I made my way down the steps up to Nevada falls and I was finally near the Vernal Falls location.  (This took me several hours, mind you.)  When I was back at the top of Vernal Falls, I felt as though I had NO energy left.  I prayed again (and I was praying nearly the entire way back down) I asked God to please give me the strength to make it down these slippery and wet steps of Mist Trail.  This part is extremely dangerous, especially by yourself.

So I took a quick drink of water and started down the steps taking it literaly, one step at a time.  Once I reached the bottom of the slippery steps, I caught my breath and though my Ankles were killing me, I kept on going.  I was finally on the stretch back to Yosemite Valley!  My feet felt like they were going to fall off and going downhill at this point was actually harder on me than going uphill was.  About a third of a mile left to go in the hike, I hear behind me, "JOSH!"  At this moment, I knew that I had gone on the path that God wanted me to.  It was Chance, John O., and Timmy!  It was such an awesome feeling.  We talked briefly and I told them of my experience and we kept on walking until we were finished.

We were sitting down near Curry Village and I got to go back with the first Car and the first thing I did was give my wife a Hug because of the pain I was still in.  It was ALL worth it though because God was with me the entire time and I was able to serve Him and spend time with Him and I learned to put His will above my own and how to be a better servant to my wife. 

That day, I had some of my most intimate moments with God that I can recall and that my friends, is why my Failure was Epic.

My Constant

Do you ever have those moments where you just realize how much you have been blessed? Maybe it's a movie you watched or something you read, but despite what it is, it helps you look at your life differently.

The month of May was full of emotion. Full of the need and realization of how much I need to trust and lean on God. Only through Him will I ever truly be successful.

Anyways, so, I'm sitting here at work (productive I know), and I decided to read some of my wife's blog. What have I been missing! Seeing some of her thoughts written out is so refreshing. Sometimes I feel like we don't communicate as much as we need to and I realize that that is partially my fault. Maybe I'm too busy playing a game, or just not being good at paying attention, but she is always so loving to me and always just trying to help me be a better man, a better husband, a better leader. I feel as though I fail her constantly.

But I don't, it's not a constant failure, it's a constant attempt. No matter how much I feel like I don't, like I can't, I have to constantly tell myself and pray about it and realize that with God's help, I CAN be a good husband, I CAN be a good man, and I CAN be an amazing leader! Of course, I've tried by myself, but I can honestly say that my ultimate desire is to love and serve my God first, and my Wife second.

And I think I am slowly learning what that looks like! To be patient, to be kind, slow to become angry, etc. Spending time with some amazing men is really helping me hone in on the areas of life in which I need to grow and the areas of life I need to leave behind. Let me tell you, feeling the freedom in Christ is so amazing!

So My wife and I got the chance to hang out with two AMAZING people this last month. The husband said something that really really amazed me (thank you John for that), he said that he wanted to get a Tattoo underneath his wedding band on his ring finger. At first I thought, YES! That's a great idea, what if you lost it?! However, what it truly meant, was nothing short of amazing. It would symbolize that his relationship with God came first, and then his marriage came second.

What an awesome concept! Thank you Lord for my Amazing wife! Amazing job! Amazing Family! Amazing Church! Amazing GOD!

You also might be wondering, why did you label this blog, "My Constant?" There is a long answer and a short answer. The long answer is this: Go watch LOST, Now, the entire series and you will understand. If you don't want to, here is the short version:

There is an episode that consists of a character who becomes lost between two different times in his life, he is flashing back and forth between these times and there is a danger this could kill him because of the inconsistency it would have on his brain. He was told he had to find "a constant," something he could focus on that existed in both times. So long story short, he finds his constant and that is that, I won't ruin it too much for you.

So, I start to think how much this truly relates to us. How many times do we have one foot on one side of this fence and one foot on the other? How many times are we flashing between the "good" New found life we have in Christ and suddenly we flash back to the Hell we once lived in. This SHOULD NOT BE! We need to fully live to serve God and others and only then will we be where we are supposed to be. To stay in the "Good" Life that we have In Jesus, we MUST find our constant. What was there all along? What was there and consistent even when we weren't? CHRIST of course! That being said, I have two constants. Ones that existed in both worlds but that I can serve and love and this will help to keep me in the world that I am supposed to be in. The world of God.

My First and most important Constant is Jesus Christ. He was there when I was in a bad place, and he's there now that I'm in a good place! If I serve him first and foremost, I will be able to truly love all the rest of the people in my life how I am supposed to! Please Lord help me to keep you first!

My Second constant is my Lovely wife Breeann. She has been consistenly loving to me, consistently encouraging and she has stuck with me, many times when she shouldn't, and even when all others abandoned me. My Wife, has been such an amazing inspiration to me. After all, reading her blog, inspired me to start one too! What an awesome opportunity and amazing gift Jesus has bestowed upon me and trusted me with. It's my job to serve her, to lead her in his ways and to love her has he loved the Church. Please Lord, help me to love her like you love the church!

Well, those are my thoughts, I am choosing Christ. I am choosing love, relationships and friendships. Anything else, isn't worth it.

I love you God. I love you Breeann.